Confession. What if you knew your partner's mind was wandering to other people during sex? Would that hurt you? Lola Stark writes via Your Tango about how she fantasizes about other men during sex with her husband, but says she refuses to feel ashamed of it because it’s a perfectly normal thing that everyone does, whether or not they’ll admit it.
Fantasy. She explains that while she and her husband have a pretty open relationship, the fact that she fantasizes about other people is something she keeps secret. After all, would you want to know if your significant other was thinking of someone else during such an intimate activities?
Marriage. ”We have a pretty good marriage so it’s hard to say why I think about other people. I mean, it’s not like I’m ever thinking about someone from my past. It’s usually a celebrity or an actor from one of the many porn videos I've watched,” writes Stark, via Your Tango.
Discreet. Stark continues to explain how during sex, she’s not openly thinking about someone else. She doesn’t say someone else’s name when sleeping with her partner, and isn’t blatantly staring at a picture of that person. She’s as discreet as possible about her fantasies, for the sake of not hurting her partner’s feelings.
Communication. ”If my husband found out, he’d be sad and embarrassed. So, as much as we tell each other everything and swear to open and honest communication, this little tidbit of info is something I have to keep to myself,” writes Stark.
Study. Stark goes on to site a survey that was done by a sex toy company, which found that out of the over 1,000 people who participated, 46 percent of women also thought about other people during sex. When it came to men, only 42 percent admitted to doing the same thing.
All in your head. While it might seem surprising that women would be the biggest offenders its important to keep in ming that for a lot of women, sex has a lot to do with visualization, especially if they’re trying to climax. If their minds aren’t in it, neither are they.
Complicated. “It makes me wonder if my husband thinks of someone else while we're doing it. If he does, it would hurt my heart — but isn’t that hypocritical? Yes, it most certainly is. Love is complicated, but sex doesn’t have to be. As long as we’re not acting out our fantasies with other people, I think it’s perfectly safe to imagine something in your head, as long as it helps get you off,” writes Stark.
No shame. If your intentions aren’t malicious and you don’t plan on actually acting out your secret fantasizes, there should be nothing to feel ashamed about. Dreaming of someone else while you’re getting hot and heavy is about as normal as watching adult films or using a sex toy, and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
Fantasy. ”Some things are meant to be talked about, and some things are meant to be tucked inside a file folder in our brains. This definitely belongs in a file folder. So keep on fantasizing, and keep on loving, because like Sheryl Crow said, if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad,” writes Stark, via Your Tango.
Warnings. While there’s nothing wrong with using a little bit of your imagination to get off, there are some times when you might want to reconsider your relationship, if you find yourself fantasizing about someone else more often than not. According to experts, if you can’t get off without thinking about one person in particular that isn’t your partner, it’s safe to say you’re probably not as into your partner as you might have thought.
Experience. “If someone is fantasizing all the time, and prefer the fantasy over their partner then they may want to reconsider being with that person and what they really need and want in bed. Some people in loving relationships want to be fully connected and prefer to focus on their partner and not fantasize. Other people may be hooking up and the priority may be doing what's in the best interest of their own pleasure. Others use fantasy to enhance an experience,” sex coach Amy Levine told Bustle.
Open up. If this is something you’ve noticed you do often but you’re not ready to quit your relationship, there are some things you can try before endings things with your partner. For one, if you find you’re not being sexually satisfied, try being honest with your partner and telling him or her how you feel.
Exercise. Your partner will likely appreciate you opening up, and it’ll be a good opportunity for him or her to open up as well. This is a great relationship exercise that will not only lead to a closer bond, but to better sex, and who doesn’t want that?
You. Do you ever fantasize about someone else while in bed with your partner? Are you honest about it with your partner? Why or why not? Let us know what you think!
No comments:
Post a Comment