Have an Amazing Orgasm Sex Count

Being selfish in bed is generally thought of as a bad thing. But in order to have a really great orgasm, you have to be relaxed and comfortable with your own body. And the only way to do that is to take the guy out of the equation and spend some time thinking solely of yourself. Yes-we're talking about masturbating.

"One of the major benefits of masturbation (besides pleasure, of course!) is that women learn more about what pleases them," says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. "The more you know that, the more you can share with your partner, and the more you can take control of your own satisfaction and pleasure." 

Chances are, you're already doing it, so we're not about to give you a Judy Blume-esque 101. That said, there are little tweaks you can make to your regular routine that can take your one-on-one sessions to the next level, and even help improve the orgasms you have when you decide to bring a guy into the mix. Here's where to start.

Slow It Down

Sometimes, you're craving a fast, easy orgasm. And those can be amazing. But if your intent is a more intense climax, it pays to start slow. Lauren Streicher, M.D., author of Sex RX, recommends doing some of the same things you'd do before getting busy with a new guy: Turn on sexy music, slip on underwear you know you look hot in, read erotica or watch porn… Sure, it might feel forced at first, but the idea is to just do things that make you feel really, really turned on before starting to touch yourself. The less masturbation is just another item on your to-do list (make the beds, do laundry, touch yourself…), the better, Streicher says.

Way, Way Down

Okay, now you can grab that vibrator (or hand, pillow, or whatever else you prefer to use to get yourself off). But again, go slow, and mix things up a bit. "Vary the pressure and the way you touch your clitoris," suggests Morse. "If you always move in a circular motion, try going back and forth, or lightly tapping." You may find some new-to-you spots or moves to work into your usual repertoire. If you get close to climax, back off a little until the feeling goes away, then start again. This technique is called edging, and when you finally do let yourself go over the edge, your orgasm will be much, much stronger.

Give Him a Show

If you feel comfortable, consider masturbating in front of your partner. This is a win-win, says Streicher: Lots of men think it's hot to watch, and while you're taking care of yourself, he'll be able to see what you really like-and might even pick up some pointers he can use later, when you're having P-in-V sex. 

Nocturnal orgasms and how women experience them

When you hear the phrase "wet dreams," you usually think of something that happens to men. But they can actually happen to women, too (though they're perhaps not quite as wet), and they're more common than we realise. 

The fact that many of us learn about male wet dreams as early as primary school sex education yet can go our whole lives without learning about female wet dreams just goes to show how sexist the education we receive still is. So, let's get to the stuff we didn't learn.

It might seem seem odd that orgasms can require quite a bit of effort in your waking life yet come so easily (no pun intended) in your sleep. But our bodies don't distinguish between dreaming and waking states. Some people can "think off," but "dreaming off" is much easier. 

With our prefrontal cortexes suppressed, we're not aware that it's all just in our heads. When we have a scary dream, our hearts race, and similarly, when we have a sexy dream, we get wet, and we may just orgasm.

Speaking of which, nocturnal orgasms almost always result from sexy dreams. They're not purely physical reactions. While dreaming of sexual activity, the brain sends signals to our nerve endings down there that sex is happening. So, it reacts as is it really were happening: blood rushes to the vagina, it contracts and pulsates and eventually - ba da bing! You've had an orgasm.

Usually, you'll know it if you've had a wet dream because the intensity of the orgasm - which tends to be just as high as waking orgasms - will wake you up.

Men are more likely to have them when they're younger, while women have more as they get older. You're also more likely to have them between periods, when you're ovulating and your hormone levels lead to a surge in libido.

However, sex dreams aren't all that common altogether. One study found that college-aged men dream about sex just nine times a year on average, and while it isn't known exactly how common wet dreams are, many people don't have them at all. 

When people do have wet dreams, though, one theory proposes that they come from an increase of activity in the dopaminergic system, the brain's reward center, and a suppression of the prefrontal cortex, which normally controls sexual urges.

Wet dreams can also have psychological roots, but don't read too deeply into them. They don't always reflect waking desires. 

Some people, for instance, dream about having sex with someone when what they really want is to be like that person. We most often dream of having sex with someone we would never touch in that way because sex in a dream isn't as much about a physical union you want as it is about a psychological union you need. 

When you dream of someone in that way, there is very likely something about them you need to incorporate into your own life or into your own behavior. Perhaps they are very laid back and never seemed to be stressed about anything. That may be the quality your dreaming mind wants you to "connect" or "unite" with.

A sex dream may also mean you've connected with somebody on some level, though not necessarily a sexual level. For example, you may have recently had a meaningful conversation with the person, or perhaps you united and did a project together for work. 

In these cases, the sex dream sort of "consummates" the successful real life connection or meeting of the minds. If that consummation leads to an orgasm, even better.

Bella Thorne made R16.8m on OnlyFans in 24 hours

Bella Thorne made R16.8 million on OnlyFans in 24 hours.

The 22-year-old actress and singer joined the platform five days ago and by the end of her first day, she has already raked in the impressive figure for paid-for content, charging subscribers $20 (R337) per month.

Bella previously revealed she decided to join OnlyFans because she can "fully control" her "image", be herself, and not have to worry about bullies.

She explained recently of her decision to join the platform: "OnlyFans is the first platform where I can fully control my image; without censorship, without judgement, and without being bullied online for being me."

The former Disney star filmed a racy video to announce she had joined OnlyFans, in which she posed in a bikini and donned a diamond choker necklace featuring the word "sex" embellished on it.

In a statement, she said: "My favorite feed is on OF. OnlyFans is a safe place for me to be Bella. To be who I am without judgement. Without censorship. It's FINALLY my decision to decide how I interact with my fans. (sic)"

Bella loves to be open with her fans but she feels that openness has come at a price and it has led people to misjudge her as a person.

She said: "People have this idea in their head that I'm this crazy bad party girl, or this bitchy, crazy druggie. I don't get it, because I feel like I don't actually put out, like... bad s***? Like, I'm honest. I'm really, really f****** honest, and that gets me in trouble sometimes, but at the same time ... Most people who meet me will apologise.

"They're like, 'Yo, I'm sorry, I've read all these things and I just had a certain image in my head of who you are. And now that I meet you, I feel so bad because I realise that's completely untrue and I should never read anything.' The amount of f****** people that I've heard this s*** from - directors, producers, studio heads. Even friends! I hear it all the time."

Is having a sexually-conservative partner a deal-breaker in a relationship?

I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend about her considering to marry her long-time boyfriend.

She wanted to marry him, but she had her reservations “My boyfriend doesn’t like oral sex, not giving or receiving. He also doesn’t like trying new positions. He’s a wonderful guy but, he’s conservative”.

I asked her if she would be happy with a somewhat bland sex life for the rest of her life, but she couldn’t respond. This is quite a problematic Pro and Cons list to make, and the question is should something like this be a deciding factor, should it be a deal-breaker.

In short, yes. If there’s something you want or need to satisfy you, as long as it’s reasonable and doesn’t harm anyone, then nobody should stand in your way. It’s like the proverbial big red button someone warns you not to push.

Firstly, anyone can find reasons to push sexual needs or desires aside, and this should be applauded, but the general consensus is that it’s not healthy.

Let me assure you; this problem exists throughout all age groups, so don’t let your age be the determining factor here.

Here are a few ideas that could help you out or get your freak on whichever you prefer.

Start with asking yourself (and your partner) why they act and feel the way they do

There are potentially millions of reasons and then a million combinations of those reasons why people could be stuck in their ways in the bedroom, and seemingly unwilling to talk about it. It could be due to religious views.

I know some religious people view oral sex as a sin because of what their church or culture taught them. Some people believe positions are degrading.

Any relationship therapist worth their salt will tell you that sex is a lot more satisfying when people let go of needless reservations and get mentally and physically in sync with each other.

Create a safe space where you can share with your partner what it is you want or need and let them do the same, ideally. Communication is your first step towards creating a safe space and building trust and ultimately being more open to trying new things.

It might require patience from your end, but better to get started sooner rather than later. Just beginning the “process” can be exciting.

Clearly communicate why you have the needs you do

Firstly, you need to ask yourself why you have a need and then articulate this to your partner. You’re both adults. If you need oral sex to orgasm and you’re not communicating this clearly, the onus is on you.

If you have a fetish that does it for you, then you need to tell your partner that. You’re speaking with someone you love, or at least have a deep regard for, and you shouldn’t be ridiculed for speaking up. It could be something as simple as trying new things keeps your sex life exciting.

Sharing is essential in any relationship, and even if they’re not into what you are, you can find common ground. Ease into it.

Get creative

Move beyond conventional but keep it within your frame of reference, don’t take a leap into the unknown without baby steps first.

Into bondage? Ask them to tape your hands up and leave the rest free for now. Make it playful before busting out the sex swing.

Dirty talk your thing? Ask them naughty/sexy questions during sex. If they’re up for it, send them a sexy text during the day.

New positions? Start with a lot of foreplay, make them so turned on they can’t say no.

Tired of the bedroom? Initiate sex in another room in the house or apartment. Kitchens can be great for this.

Like sex toys? Talk about the idea or get something small like a vibrating bullet to ease into things.

Oral sex? Try getting a flavoured lube for oral sex. You get the idea.

The key is you have to take a step out of your comfort zone and at the risk of sounding like some zen master, you need to be the change you want to see. Best of luck, you got this.