Have an Amazing Orgasm Sex Count

Being selfish in bed is generally thought of as a bad thing. But in order to have a really great orgasm, you have to be relaxed and comfortable with your own body. And the only way to do that is to take the guy out of the equation and spend some time thinking solely of yourself. Yes-we're talking about masturbating.

"One of the major benefits of masturbation (besides pleasure, of course!) is that women learn more about what pleases them," says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. "The more you know that, the more you can share with your partner, and the more you can take control of your own satisfaction and pleasure." 

Chances are, you're already doing it, so we're not about to give you a Judy Blume-esque 101. That said, there are little tweaks you can make to your regular routine that can take your one-on-one sessions to the next level, and even help improve the orgasms you have when you decide to bring a guy into the mix. Here's where to start.

Slow It Down

Sometimes, you're craving a fast, easy orgasm. And those can be amazing. But if your intent is a more intense climax, it pays to start slow. Lauren Streicher, M.D., author of Sex RX, recommends doing some of the same things you'd do before getting busy with a new guy: Turn on sexy music, slip on underwear you know you look hot in, read erotica or watch porn… Sure, it might feel forced at first, but the idea is to just do things that make you feel really, really turned on before starting to touch yourself. The less masturbation is just another item on your to-do list (make the beds, do laundry, touch yourself…), the better, Streicher says.

Way, Way Down

Okay, now you can grab that vibrator (or hand, pillow, or whatever else you prefer to use to get yourself off). But again, go slow, and mix things up a bit. "Vary the pressure and the way you touch your clitoris," suggests Morse. "If you always move in a circular motion, try going back and forth, or lightly tapping." You may find some new-to-you spots or moves to work into your usual repertoire. If you get close to climax, back off a little until the feeling goes away, then start again. This technique is called edging, and when you finally do let yourself go over the edge, your orgasm will be much, much stronger.

Give Him a Show

If you feel comfortable, consider masturbating in front of your partner. This is a win-win, says Streicher: Lots of men think it's hot to watch, and while you're taking care of yourself, he'll be able to see what you really like-and might even pick up some pointers he can use later, when you're having P-in-V sex. 

Nocturnal orgasms and how women experience them

When you hear the phrase "wet dreams," you usually think of something that happens to men. But they can actually happen to women, too (though they're perhaps not quite as wet), and they're more common than we realise. 

The fact that many of us learn about male wet dreams as early as primary school sex education yet can go our whole lives without learning about female wet dreams just goes to show how sexist the education we receive still is. So, let's get to the stuff we didn't learn.

It might seem seem odd that orgasms can require quite a bit of effort in your waking life yet come so easily (no pun intended) in your sleep. But our bodies don't distinguish between dreaming and waking states. Some people can "think off," but "dreaming off" is much easier. 

With our prefrontal cortexes suppressed, we're not aware that it's all just in our heads. When we have a scary dream, our hearts race, and similarly, when we have a sexy dream, we get wet, and we may just orgasm.

Speaking of which, nocturnal orgasms almost always result from sexy dreams. They're not purely physical reactions. While dreaming of sexual activity, the brain sends signals to our nerve endings down there that sex is happening. So, it reacts as is it really were happening: blood rushes to the vagina, it contracts and pulsates and eventually - ba da bing! You've had an orgasm.

Usually, you'll know it if you've had a wet dream because the intensity of the orgasm - which tends to be just as high as waking orgasms - will wake you up.

Men are more likely to have them when they're younger, while women have more as they get older. You're also more likely to have them between periods, when you're ovulating and your hormone levels lead to a surge in libido.

However, sex dreams aren't all that common altogether. One study found that college-aged men dream about sex just nine times a year on average, and while it isn't known exactly how common wet dreams are, many people don't have them at all. 

When people do have wet dreams, though, one theory proposes that they come from an increase of activity in the dopaminergic system, the brain's reward center, and a suppression of the prefrontal cortex, which normally controls sexual urges.

Wet dreams can also have psychological roots, but don't read too deeply into them. They don't always reflect waking desires. 

Some people, for instance, dream about having sex with someone when what they really want is to be like that person. We most often dream of having sex with someone we would never touch in that way because sex in a dream isn't as much about a physical union you want as it is about a psychological union you need. 

When you dream of someone in that way, there is very likely something about them you need to incorporate into your own life or into your own behavior. Perhaps they are very laid back and never seemed to be stressed about anything. That may be the quality your dreaming mind wants you to "connect" or "unite" with.

A sex dream may also mean you've connected with somebody on some level, though not necessarily a sexual level. For example, you may have recently had a meaningful conversation with the person, or perhaps you united and did a project together for work. 

In these cases, the sex dream sort of "consummates" the successful real life connection or meeting of the minds. If that consummation leads to an orgasm, even better.

Bella Thorne made R16.8m on OnlyFans in 24 hours

Bella Thorne made R16.8 million on OnlyFans in 24 hours.

The 22-year-old actress and singer joined the platform five days ago and by the end of her first day, she has already raked in the impressive figure for paid-for content, charging subscribers $20 (R337) per month.

Bella previously revealed she decided to join OnlyFans because she can "fully control" her "image", be herself, and not have to worry about bullies.

She explained recently of her decision to join the platform: "OnlyFans is the first platform where I can fully control my image; without censorship, without judgement, and without being bullied online for being me."

The former Disney star filmed a racy video to announce she had joined OnlyFans, in which she posed in a bikini and donned a diamond choker necklace featuring the word "sex" embellished on it.

In a statement, she said: "My favorite feed is on OF. OnlyFans is a safe place for me to be Bella. To be who I am without judgement. Without censorship. It's FINALLY my decision to decide how I interact with my fans. (sic)"

Bella loves to be open with her fans but she feels that openness has come at a price and it has led people to misjudge her as a person.

She said: "People have this idea in their head that I'm this crazy bad party girl, or this bitchy, crazy druggie. I don't get it, because I feel like I don't actually put out, like... bad s***? Like, I'm honest. I'm really, really f****** honest, and that gets me in trouble sometimes, but at the same time ... Most people who meet me will apologise.

"They're like, 'Yo, I'm sorry, I've read all these things and I just had a certain image in my head of who you are. And now that I meet you, I feel so bad because I realise that's completely untrue and I should never read anything.' The amount of f****** people that I've heard this s*** from - directors, producers, studio heads. Even friends! I hear it all the time."

Is having a sexually-conservative partner a deal-breaker in a relationship?

I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend about her considering to marry her long-time boyfriend.

She wanted to marry him, but she had her reservations “My boyfriend doesn’t like oral sex, not giving or receiving. He also doesn’t like trying new positions. He’s a wonderful guy but, he’s conservative”.

I asked her if she would be happy with a somewhat bland sex life for the rest of her life, but she couldn’t respond. This is quite a problematic Pro and Cons list to make, and the question is should something like this be a deciding factor, should it be a deal-breaker.

In short, yes. If there’s something you want or need to satisfy you, as long as it’s reasonable and doesn’t harm anyone, then nobody should stand in your way. It’s like the proverbial big red button someone warns you not to push.

Firstly, anyone can find reasons to push sexual needs or desires aside, and this should be applauded, but the general consensus is that it’s not healthy.

Let me assure you; this problem exists throughout all age groups, so don’t let your age be the determining factor here.

Here are a few ideas that could help you out or get your freak on whichever you prefer.

Start with asking yourself (and your partner) why they act and feel the way they do

There are potentially millions of reasons and then a million combinations of those reasons why people could be stuck in their ways in the bedroom, and seemingly unwilling to talk about it. It could be due to religious views.

I know some religious people view oral sex as a sin because of what their church or culture taught them. Some people believe positions are degrading.

Any relationship therapist worth their salt will tell you that sex is a lot more satisfying when people let go of needless reservations and get mentally and physically in sync with each other.

Create a safe space where you can share with your partner what it is you want or need and let them do the same, ideally. Communication is your first step towards creating a safe space and building trust and ultimately being more open to trying new things.

It might require patience from your end, but better to get started sooner rather than later. Just beginning the “process” can be exciting.

Clearly communicate why you have the needs you do

Firstly, you need to ask yourself why you have a need and then articulate this to your partner. You’re both adults. If you need oral sex to orgasm and you’re not communicating this clearly, the onus is on you.

If you have a fetish that does it for you, then you need to tell your partner that. You’re speaking with someone you love, or at least have a deep regard for, and you shouldn’t be ridiculed for speaking up. It could be something as simple as trying new things keeps your sex life exciting.

Sharing is essential in any relationship, and even if they’re not into what you are, you can find common ground. Ease into it.

Get creative

Move beyond conventional but keep it within your frame of reference, don’t take a leap into the unknown without baby steps first.

Into bondage? Ask them to tape your hands up and leave the rest free for now. Make it playful before busting out the sex swing.

Dirty talk your thing? Ask them naughty/sexy questions during sex. If they’re up for it, send them a sexy text during the day.

New positions? Start with a lot of foreplay, make them so turned on they can’t say no.

Tired of the bedroom? Initiate sex in another room in the house or apartment. Kitchens can be great for this.

Like sex toys? Talk about the idea or get something small like a vibrating bullet to ease into things.

Oral sex? Try getting a flavoured lube for oral sex. You get the idea.

The key is you have to take a step out of your comfort zone and at the risk of sounding like some zen master, you need to be the change you want to see. Best of luck, you got this.

5 Tricks for Staying in the Moment During Sex

The post-dinner cleanup is done, the TV is off, and it's finally time for the sex session you've been craving all day. But as you segue from foreplay to the main event, your mind takes a turn—to work deadlines or your friend's gossipy Facebook post. Before you know it, you're mentally a million miles away from your partner.


The inability to focus on the here and now during sex is something a lot of people experience, especially women, says Angela Skurtu, a therapist and author of Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity: A Therapist's Manual. "I've noticed that my female clients have a harder time with this, while men tend to be better at compartmentalizing."

RELATED: 6 Things You Should Know About Having Sex During Your Period

To have satisfying sex, says Skurtu, you must do two things. "You need to focus on relaxing and figure out what turns you on in the moment." To arrive at that place and get you out of that easily distracted head space, we asked Skurtu and sex therapist Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want, for their best actionable tips.


Be mindful outside of the bedroom

To start doing it automatically in the bedroom, practice being more present in the rest of your life. "Any minute of any day, take a moment to focus on one sensation, whether it's sight, smell, taste, touch, or sound," says Skurtu. Try listening to a song, for example, and pay close attention to all the words and the melody, rather than use it as background music. Or really enjoy every bite of your meal, focusing on nothing but the flavors.

RELATED: 5 Sex Moves That Make You Feel Closer to Your Partner

Once you've got the hang of it, try it during sex. Focus on how every kiss feels, or pay attention to your partner's breathing and the way his fingertips feel warm on your skin. Zoning in on the small details will anchor your brain so your thoughts don't wander and you're physically and emotionally there with each touch and stroke.

Play this sexy game

Keep yourself connected to the action at hand through a little playful competition, like a grown-up twist on truth or dare, suggests Skurtu. "You're thinking of the next dare or truth you'll ask, rather than your daily life," she explains. Each option will play off what's going on between the sheets, keeping you tuned in to the moment. For example, if he's just kissed you on the mouth, smile and reply, "I dare you to kiss me like that below the belt next." A truth option? "Tell me where I can kiss you like that on your body."

Take the lead

Being the aggressor or dominant partner means you're in charge of the action—and that keeps your brain solidly in the here and now. "Focus on your partner and making them feel good," suggests Nelson. Taking the lead doesn't mean you have to plan a menu of crazy-sexy moves; it's more about paying attention to what the other person wants and finding out by experimenting and asking questions. You'll stay focused on what's happening between the sheets and learn more about turning on your partner too.

RELATED: Your G-Spot: What It Is, How to Find It, and All the Things It Can Do for Your Sex Life
Switch locations

Having wandering thoughts during sex "could mean you are bored," says Nelson. If this happens, consider doing it in a different part of the house—like the couch, floor, steamy shower . . . whatever sounds sexy and fresh. A change of scenery often works, but if it doesn't, think about bringing in sex toys, such as handcuffs or a vibrator. "When something new is happening, it's easier to focus on the newness," notes Skurtu.

Keep distractions out of sight

Can't stop thinking about that big pile of laundry in the corner of the bedroom? The best thing you can do is move it to another room so you can't see it and consequently think about it. Same goes for your phone, a stack of bills, or anything else that could possibly distract your brain.

RELATED: 6 Times Celebrities Got Real About Masturbation

"I tell people to make their bedrooms sanctuaries," says Skurtu. Think about all of the things that may cause you stress or anxiety, and give them the heave-ho. If watching the nightly news gives you anxiety, for example, keeping a television in your room is a major no-no for a positive and mindful sex life.

Here's What All Women In Sexless Marriages Need To Know

Stuck in a sexless marriage? You’re not alone. According to data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” (What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are three and a half times more common than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more common than “loveless marriage.”)

Many of those searching for answers are women struggling to understand why their spouses aren’t reciprocating their desire for sex. We reached out to marriage therapists and sex experts to share the advice they give women stuck in sexually unsatisfying marriages. Read what they had to say below.
"Many women are the ones with a higher sex drive in their marriages but women commonly don't discuss this dynamic openly with friends. Also, the media portrayal of relationships makes women think that males have a constant high level of sexual desire. On the contrary, many women struggle in sexless marriages. Outside of therapy, I'd say that finding a support system can be invaluable. There are forums online where women share their experiences, such as the Dead Bedrooms forum on Reddit." -- Samantha Rodman, psychologist and couples' counselor "It may not be you, so stop beating yourself up. It is no indicator of how sexy you are as a woman if he is initiating or not. Many times men stop initiating sex because they are stressed or they are experiencing some kind of erectile dysfunction and they're too afraid to tell you. Men define their sexuality by their ability to perform and if they cannot achieve an erection upon demand they may withdraw. Keep being affectionate and let him know there is no pressure to get to the 'finish line.' Let him know you still want to cuddle and be close and then if you still want a 'happy ending,' well, frankly, you can take care of it yourself. If he wants to participate, he might find himself more turned on than he thought himself capable. Don't wait for him to take charge.

 It is OK as the woman to be the driving force of your sex life." -- Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want "Our libido often dips with age and in tandem with life stressors -- juggling multiple jobs, kids, family, home and self care. That said, if several months have passed with no sex and it's troubling you, the matter needs to be addressed. Sometimes, all you need to do is communicate. But there may be physical, psychological or marital issues that require work. If it turns out there is a physical issue -- your over-40 husband is having trouble maintaining erections, for instance -- a trip to the doctor can do wonders. But if the issue is decreased physical attraction, know that it usually has less to do with appearance and more to do with unexpressed and unresolved unhappiness in the relationship or marriage. If this is the case, you're in the right place: couples' counseling." -- Robert Weiss, LCSW, senior vice president of clinical development at Elements Behavioral Health"If he has erectile dysfunction or the inability to get or maintain an erection, he may have prostate issues and it is important to get that checked out right away. Have him schedule an appointment with a urologist. Rule out any health problems before you begin talking about what could be happening emotionally. When you have ruled out cancer, his testosterone levels have been checked, and you have had discussions around his stress levels, then you can look deeper into your relationship." -- Tammy Nelson "If your spouse is not willing to see a sex or relationship therapist (alone or with you), it's very telling. I recommend going to professional in almost all cases if either partner is still emotionally committed to their sexless marriage. But if your partner really doesn't give a damn about you or the marriage and the two of you are just co-existing, then you really need to think about what you want the rest of your life to be like." -- Pepper Schwartz, certified sexologist and the author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years"The good news is that for most otherwise healthy (emotionally intimate) couples who are both willing to put in work, it’s relatively easy to spark a new fire. To start, a little romance never hurts. And yes, I am talking about toys, new positions, new places and unexpected romance within your relationship. Be intimate, share quiet moments where you simply look at each other, hold hands and talk about your feelings. Nothing, not even sex, is more intimate than having a compassionate partner who has your back. As for the sex itself, try mixing it up. Tell your spouse about your secret sexual fantasy, and ask if he or she is willing to try it. And then ask about your partner's secret fantasy and offer to indulge it." -- Robert Weiss

Hypnotism Isn’t the Only Way to Have a Hands-Free Orgasm

What do you mean, ‘hands-free’?
“Hands-free orgasms refer to any kind of orgasm that didn’t involve your own hands,” says certified sex coach Gigi Engle, Womanizer sexpert and the author of “All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life.”
It usually doesn’t refer to orgasms that came with the help of your partner’s hands, oral stimulation, or a hand-held toy.
But, she says, “If you consider it ‘hands-free,’ it is.”
After all, there’s no gatekeeper on orgasms and what qualifies as hands-on versus hands-off.

So, you just use other body parts instead?
That’s one option! But it can also (ahem) come from your partner’s other body parts.
Or any of these (among other) sextivities:
humping and grinding
vaginal or anal penetrative play (with anything other than a hand or finger)
wearable sex toys
dirty talk
orgasmic breathing or erotic hypnosis
Kegels and muscle clenching
What if you don’t really want to be physical?
“Some people can have not only hands-free orgasms, but touch-free orgasms,” says Searah Deysach, longtime sex educator and owner of Early to Bed.
If that sounds unfathomable, consider this:
“Orgasms happen in the brain before they happen in the genitals,” says Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist for Good Vibrations and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum. “So, sometimes, orgasms happen just in the brain.”

Intrigued? Learn about orgasmic breathing and erotic hypnosis below.
Orgasmic breathing
Orgasmic breathing entails channeling your inner erotic energy.
“It’s similar to the deep diaphragmatic breathing used in some forms of meditation and yoga, and involves taking deep, intentional breaths,” Deysach explains.
Tantra expert and certified sexologist Barbara Carrellas made an MP3 you can buy that teaches you how to do it.
“While not everyone will find breath orgasms possible, even with practice, it is certainly worth giving a try,” Deysach says.
If you want to learn more about orgasmic breathing, Carrella’s book “Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex For the Twenty-First Century” is a good resource.
Erotic hypnosis “Erotic hypnosis is the practice of descending into your subconscious to the point where the entire outside world ceases to exist,” explains tantra expert Karen Botha with Sensual Massage in Romford, Essex.
“This allows you to explore your deepest fantasies and enjoy the physical effects of this on your body — without ever being touched,” she says.
Basically, it’s a guided meditation that helps you relax so much that you’re able to think your way into orgasm. Thrilling!
To try it, Engle says it’s as simple as Googling “erotic hypnosis” and following along with one of the videos.

The No BS Guide to Clitoral Stimulation

Tips for satisfying yourself with clit stim action
Knowledge is pleasure.
And if you have a clitoris, the more you know about it, the more options you’ll be able to explore en route to achieving satisfaction. (Or, if you’re aiming to please someone who has a clitoris, you can work with your partner to discover the techniques that take them to tingle town.)
We’ve reached out to experts and research to put together a guide for flying solo and giving or receiving some seriously satisfying clitoral stimulation. After all, getting busy with your own bod can help you chuck unwanted inhibitions.
Plus, find out the truth about clitoral anatomy. It’s more than just a tiny hotspot.
Throw out any taboos or guilt surrounding masturbation right now.
You won’t go blind. You won’t get addicted. And, no, it’s not cheating on a partner. It’s more than about feeling great, too.
Pleasuring yourself has health benefits that go beyond the body — it can help untangle shame that affects confidence with yourself, partnered sex, or in a relationship.
“It’s hard to know what to ask for from your partner if you don’t know what you like,” says Diana Sadat, a sex therapist and clinical counselor in Vancouver, British Columbia.
“Masturbation is a chance to explore what feels good. You may notice that stimulating in round patterns feels better than up and down, or that you enjoy stimulation using your inner labia over your clitoris rather than direct clitoral stimulation.”
Start out soft and slow and then apply more pressure or speed as your body asks for it.
A little teasing yourself can also amp up the pleasure and save on hand cramps. Begin, stop for a few seconds, and then delve back in. Repeat as necessary.
Positions and ways to stimulate your clitoris
1.“Aye, there’s the rub.” Use your hand, fingers, or a sex toy to slide up and down or back and forth across your clitoris and clitoral hood.
2.“Tap dance.” A gentle tapping motion on your clit and hood can help you slowly build to orgasm. Speed it up as you wish.
3.“Get in the grind.” No hands required, and no need to take off your clothes. (It can be better if you leave those jeans on!) Straddle a pillow and grind your pelvis to get yourself there.
4.“Peace pinch.” Use your first two fingers like a peace sign to softly pinch your clitoral hood and gently tug up and down, or slide your fingers in a back-and-forth motion.
5.“Orbit the planet.” Use your finger to trace slow circles around your clit and hood, touching your labia in the process.
6.“Fun zones.” Because of the unique shape of the clitoris, you may become aroused and even achieve orgasm by massaging other erogenous zones, on their own or along with the clitoris. Try your labia, vaginal opening, inner thigh, perineum, and anus. Lie on your belly and reach backward for easier access to everything, including the clit. This is also a great position to get your grind on while touching the rest of your sexy self.
7.“Penetration station.” The internal structures of the clitoris encircle the vaginal canal, so penetrating your vagina with your fingers or a sex toy can bring bliss. Combine with any of the above external stimulating techniques for a double delight.
8.“Good vibes.” You can use a vibrating sex toy to enhance or practice any method mentioned above. Vibrators can be especially good for those who need to put minimal movement on their hands or wrists. Use the lowest setting first and rev as desired.
Different techniques can elicit different types of pleasure, and how you go about stimulating yourself is completely up to you.
Sadat just has one universal tip: Give your bod a chance to warm up.
“It takes your clitoris some time to get aroused and for blood to begin to flow,” she explains. “So begin to stroke around your clitoris, touching your labia without directly going for the clit for a bit until you feel ready for that type of stimulation.”

 How do I stimulate my clit from the inside?
Before we go any further on this stimulating topic, we’ve got to debunk the inaccurate concept that the clitoris is just a mini, pea-sized version of the penis.
As reported by the Atlantic, the clitoris is actually shaped more like a wishbone.
But even that comparison doesn’t come close to celebrating its glory. The full anatomy of the clitoris looks like an upside-down flower with large petals extending inside the body that embrace the vaginal canal. It can even become erect when aroused.
So in that regard, don’t focus only on what you see and can touch externally. If we touched penises based on that mentioned myth, we’d only be touching the tip and missing out on bigger pleasures.
Is the G-spot really another C-spot?
That elusive ‘G-spot’ is not hiding inside the vagina like a secret unicorn.
Research indicates that it’s likely the place where your clitoris meets the anterior (front) vaginal wall. This is where the clit’s bulbs form a heart shape that hugs the canal.
So for people who have vaginas, the orgasm probably really is all about the clitoris, but we can stimulate it indirectly from inside the vagina, directly from outside the vagina, or both.
If you’re wondering how to find that spot internally without turn-by-turn directions from Siri, you’re not alone.
According to Our Bodies Ourselves, you should try reaching about a third of the way from the vaginal opening and playing with a mix of pressure and stimulation on the front (or upper) wall to see what feels good. It may take some practice and experimentation to locate.
Don’t get frustrated if vaginal penetration doesn’t make you come, even if you’ve found that extra sensitive internal trigger spot.
In a recent study on the female orgasm, only 18 percent of American women said that vaginal penetration alone could give them the big O. Other respondents in the study said they either needed direct clit stim (about 37 percent) to get them there, or that it greatly ramped up their climaxing pleasure (about 36 percent).

Re-cap: Clitoral anatomy 101
##Glans clitoris. This is the external nub we think of when picturing the clitoris. Even though it’s ‘the size of a pea,’ it holds thousands of nerve endings.
##Clitoral hood. We all like a good hoodie, and the clitoris is no different. The labia minora connect to form the clitoral hood. When you’re aroused, the hood retracts slightly to expose the glans. If you have a hooded clitoris, don’t worry, its normal.
##Clitoral body. The clitoral body is internal. It connects to the glans and is suspended from the pubic bone via a ligament.
##Corpora cavernosa. The clitoral body consists of two corpora cavernosa that become erect during arousal.
##Paired crura. The clitoral body branches off to form two appendages. These “legs” straddle the urethra and the vaginal canal and become engorged with blood when you’re turned on.
##Vestibular bulbs. The vestibular bulbs form an upside-down heart shape, with the urethra and the vaginal canal at the heart’s cleavage. The bulbs reach through and behind the labia, around the vaginal canal, and toward the anus. They also swell when you’re hot and bothered.
Knowing every part of your clitoris is kind of like putting together a unique outfit. Each of our bodies and the makeup below is different.
For some people, playing with the clitoral hood brings pleasure, while for others, the vestibular bulbs bring on all the sensation. You don’t have to address every part, just the ones that work for you.
And that may change as you age or explore, and it may be different when you’re with a new partner.

 Clitoral stimulation for a partner or with a partner
If you’re the clitoris owner, don’t be shy about letting on about your stimulation likes or dislikes. There’s also no shame in making all the contact you want with your own clit during a sexual encounter!
If you’re dating someone with a clitoris, don’t be afraid to ask about your partner’s desires too. Frame the question around how invested you are in discovering their pleasure points and taking the time to do so — without placing pressure on them to perform.
Experimenting (with consent), vocalizing (no, you don’t have to be a screamer unless you want to), and listening to desires are all equally important when it comes to having sex with someone.
That go-to spot that felt good last week? It may have moved two inches over to a new spot!
You just never know, and that’s why we’re giving out all the options on giving and receiving clitoral stimulation.
How to focus on the clitoris during partner play
1. Be handsy
Many penetrating positions (whether using a penis, hand, or toy) allow for either a partner’s hand, your own hand, or even both, to play with the clitoris and clitoral hood.
2. Pillow props
Grind your clit on an artfully placed pillow or bunched-up blankets while your partner penetrates your vagina with a penis, toy, or fingers from behind.
3. Furniture fun
Use the furniture for support, especially when you want to stimulate yourself with your hand during a from-behind penetration.
Kneel on a pillow on the floor and lean your bod against the mattress so you don’t have to balance with one arm. A headboard or sofa back work well too.
4. Ride and glide
Your partner’s pelvis is a great tool for clit stim. It can help if your bae is in a seated or slightly reclined position when you straddle them and slide up and down, rubbing your clit and hood on their pubic bone or belly.
For added oomph, you or your partner can place a lubed-up finger or thumb beneath the clit. Vaginal penetration with a penis or toy is optional but can heighten the fun.
5. Reverse the ride
The reverse cowgirl position has you straddling your partner, facing away from them. If you and your partner both have a clitoris, slide several pillows under your partner’s pelvis to do the ride and glide in reverse while also tilting their clit toward you for easy hand or even oral access.
If your partner has a penis, opt for vaginal penetration. Your partner can also reach a hand around and stimulate your clit, or you can do it the way you like best.
6. Thigh high
This is a twist on the reverse cowgirl position. Instead of straddling both your partner’s legs, straddle just one.
Your partner should bend their knee so you can ride up and down the thigh. Vaginal penetration with a penis, hands, or toy works well here.
7. Tongue twister
Try oral action, with the tongue gently circling the clitoris and hood with a mix of pressure.

 A pleasurable work in progress
If a certain technique doesn’t get your headspace on cloud nine, alone or with a bed mate, don’t stress.
Clitoral stimulation isn’t a one-size-fits-all ritual. Mix it up until you find the position, pressure, and rhythm that feels good to you.

Playtime possibilities
##Switch the direction of your rub.
##Add or subtract pressure.
##Alter or mix techniques.
##Speed or slow the rhythm.
##Change the number of fingers.
##Add or change toys.
##Switch between external stim and vaginal penetration.
Keep in mind that we’ve only had 3-D imagery of the full clitoral structure for about a decade when researchers finally produced a sonography of it. That means before 2008, not much was understood about the clit’s really cool internal parts and how they interact with the rest of the genital area.
And we’ve still got a lot to learn about it.
Scientific research may lag behind on studying the clit, but that’s all the more reason for you to do your own independent (or partnered) study on what gets you off!

G-Spot Discovered? Not So Fast!

The press release proclaims “Study Confirms Anatomic Existence of G-Spot.” The study itself is titled “G-Spot Anatomy: A New Discovery.”  It was just published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.  The author, Adam Ostrzenski, is an “internationally renowned gynecologic surgeon” with multiple degrees (MD, PhD, Dr Hab) and many peer-reviewed articles listed in PubMed.
The G-spot, or Gräfenberg Spot, is an area on the anterior wall of the vagina that can be stimulated to produce sexual excitement, stronger orgasms, and maybe even female ejaculation. Its existence is questionable. Wikpedia has an extensive article explaining the controversy and the published evidence, pro and con, with links to the original sources. You can read more than you ever wanted to know about it there, so I won’t bother trying to repeat it here. A 2012 review of the G-spot literature concluded: 
“
Objective measures have failed to provide strong and consistent evidence for the existence of an anatomical site that could be related to the famed G-spot. However, reliable reports and anecdotal testimonials of the existence of a highly sensitive area in the distal anterior vaginal wall raise the question of whether enough investigative modalities have been implemented in the search of the G-spot.
Dr. Ostrzenski claims to have found the G-spot and taken its picture (above). Believers in Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster have pictures too. They even had “Bigfoot hair” that later turned out to be synthetic wig fibers. Ostrzenski’s “proof” is no more credible than theirs.
 
The Study
This “discovery” was based on dissecting out the pictured structure in the cadaver of one (yes, only one !) 83 year old woman who died of head trauma. The dissection was performed in Warsaw, Poland, but I will scrupulously refrain from making any Polish jokes. The author declared it was a G-spot based on visual inspection of the specimen alone; he said it was an 8.1 mm sac-like structure with a head, body, and a rope-like tail that disappeared into surrounding tissues. After excision, it could be stretched to 33 mm.  He said the walls of the structure “resembled fibroconnective tissues and resembled erectile tissues.” Both? Apparently he didn’t even bother to take the most obvious, rudimentary next step of examining slices of the specimen under a microscope (with appropriate staining) to determine what kind of tissue it was.  One wonders if he even preserved the specimen in formalin so histological study might still be possible.  And he doesn’t tell us whether he had tried to find it in other cadavers and failed before this “success.”
Visual inspection of one autopsy specimen? How could he possibly know what it was that he had found? Is this a G-spot structure or something else? During embryological development of the genitourinary system there are structures that form and are reabsorbed: could this be a left-over remnant of that process? Could it be a tumor? A variant of normal anatomy having nothing to do with sexual response? Something else? Why didn’t he look for it in a second autopsy (or, preferably, a whole series) before rushing into print? And even if he could document the existence of a never-before-described anatomical feature, wouldn’t it take something more than simple observation to determine that it was the G-spot?
A Big Oops
In the discussion section of his article, Ostrzenski makes an embarrassing mistake: he claims that the G-spot gene has been identified and has been already incorporated into a GeneChip microarray. That struck me as odd. How could they have identified a gene for a structure whose very existence was in doubt?
The reference Ostrzenski provides for this claim doesn’t support it.  In that reference, G-spot does not mean what he thinks it means. By “G-spot” they don’t mean anything to do with vaginal anatomy: they mean DNA probes containing a contiguous run of 4 or more guanines (base pair nucleotides). They make that clear in the second sentence of the abstract. He read carelessly, and his foolish mistake should have been caught by his editors and peer-reviewers. If I thought to question it and look it up, why didn’t they?
Even If It Isn’t Real, It’s Profitable
Whether or not the G-spot exists, you can buy a sex toy, a curved vibrator, specially designed to stimulate it. And there is even a plastic surgery procedure called G-spot amplification to enhance its sensitivity. The ACOG has spoken out against this operation.  Guess who performs and teaches this surgical procedure, along with a number of other questionable vaginal procedures?
Yep, Ostrzenski himself.
The Hype Begins
CBC News, Science Daily and other news outlets promptly proclaimed “G spot anatomy found.” The very day this study was released, I got a PR e-mail announcing it, proclaiming that the existence of the G-spot had been proven, and offering me an interview with a doctor who would explain “how the discovery of the G-spot will change sex for men and women.” A doctor who, incidentally, does not inspire my confidence because she also happens to prescribe bioidentical hormones and practice anti-aging medicine. The Huffington Post wasn’t so sure this study would settle the debate but commented that
“
perhaps knowing it and understanding it goes beyond anything you can dissect or measure. It’s an untouchable pathway to bliss and the cosmos, making it something so much more.
Conclusion
In short, this published study is a junk-science travesty perpetrated by a researcher who has a vested interest in proving there is a G-spot so he can justify operating on it. No one deserving the name of scientist would claim to have discovered a new normal anatomical structure based on a visual inspection of one specimen with no further investigation. The author, the editor of the journal, and the peer-reviewers should all be ashamed of themselves.
Further Thoughts
In contrast to the vaccine/autism manufactroversy, there is a legitimate controversy about the existence of the G-Spot. We don’t have enough evidence to confidently conclude either that it does or doesn’t exist. At this point, I wouldn’t even venture an opinion.
I would argue that it really doesn’t matter very much. Clearly, some women respond to anterior vaginal stimulation, others don’t. This might have other explanations: conditioning, suggestion, experience, variations during embryologic development, the ability of any highly innervated area to trigger orgasm in some individuals, or other factors.
Women might think not being able to find their G-Spot means they are defective. Pursuing the elusive G-Spot might engage men in fruitless hunting expeditions when they could be finding other ways to please their partners and concentrating on spontaneous enjoyment rather than prescribed techniques.

Orgasmatron inventor seeks female volunteers

Women who cannot have orgasms can now have a device implanted in their spines that will trigger the sensation for them. Clinical trials of the “orgasmatron” have begun in the US, with the approval of the Food and Drug Administration.
The device was the focus of massive media attention two years ago, after New Scientist broke the news of its existence and used the term orgasmatron to describe it.
But despite all the coverage, few people are volunteering for the trial. “I thought people would be beating my door down to become part of the trial,” says Stuart Meloy, the surgeon who patented the treatment. “But so far I am struggling to find people.”
That does not surprise some experts, who think an implant is too radical a treatment for sexual problems. “Why would you do it invasively if you can do it with a vibrator?” asks Marca Sipski of the University of Miami, who studies sexual function in women with spinal cord injuries.

Only one woman has completed the first stage of the trial, and one other is now being signed up. Meloy hopes to find eight more to complete the first stage of the study, in which wires connected to a battery pack are inserted through the skin and into the woman’s spinal cord.

Remote control

The procedure is no riskier than an epidural, Meloy says. But epidurals can cause complications such as backache in up to a fifth of women. In the second stage, a self-contained device resembling a pacemaker will be implanted beneath the skin, switched on and off with a remote control.
Meloy, a pain specialist at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, stumbled on the idea while performing a routine pain-relief operation on a woman. During this procedure, two electrodes are inserted in the patient’s spine and tiny pulses of electricity are applied.
Patients are kept conscious throughout the operation so that they can say when they feel less pain. During one such operation, the patient began exclaiming emphatically. When Meloy asked what was up, she said, “You’re going to have to teach my husband to do that.”

This effect was already familiar to many surgeons performing such operations, but Meloy patented the idea of using it to treat sexual dysfunction. He tried to sell his idea to a company called Medtronic, but when the company lost interest he decided to go it alone. He expects a full implant to cost around $13,000.

“Excellent foreplay”

In October, he implanted wires in a married woman who responded to his call for volunteers in the local media. “When the device was switched on, the patient reported being almost instantly aroused. She described it as ‘really excellent foreplay’,” says Meloy.
The woman, who had not had an orgasm for four years, wore the device for nine days and had sex with her husband on seven occasions. Meloy says she had an orgasm every time. “She even told me she had the first multiple orgasm of her life using the device,” he says.
But Sipski thinks that as long as the required nerves in the body are intact, using a vibrator should work just as well. “My research shows that orgasm is a purely reflex response. Even the sensation associated with orgasm does not require the brain. Women with complete injuries to the spine can still experience orgasm.”
Paula Hall, a sex therapist with the UK counselling service Relate, says that most cases of sexual dysfunction are caused by psychological factors. “Lack of self-awareness and not experimenting enough are the most common reasons,” she says. “In situations where all else has failed, some people might consider surgery, but I don’t think having an operation is going to catch on.”
But Meloy is confident that it will. “I don’t see it any differently from procedures such as breast implants,” he says.